Going Home

My thoughts and emotions about arriving to the end

Its been a hard and exciting 10 months.

As my experience is closing to an end, I've been thinking a lot about how this year went. I recently just went to my last AFS Intercultura camp, and one of the activities they made us do was close our eyes in a dark room and think about your last day being in Italy. Thinking about leaving your city that you stayed in for 10 months, arriving in Rome and seeing all the other AFS students for the last time, getting on the plane and just thinking about your time in Italy, and arriving in your home country seeing your family and friends and going back to your new/old life. Every time I looked back on my time in Italy I only saw the flaws and things I wished I could've done better. This exercise was the first time I saw Italy as a whole. I saw my first time seeing my host family, my first time going out with my Italian friends, my first time visiting new cities, the first time with my soccer team, all the positives that pushed me to the end.

As I started to get emotional, I realized that while these 10 months were really hard, I had such a special and meaningful experience. I am so excited to be able to go home and see my family, but I feel like I will be leaving a part of myself behind here in Italy. Ive grown and became an independent woman here. Im afraid that my courage and braveness will disappear when I get home. I feel like I will go back into my old ways, go back to the stupid DC drama, go back to being the old Kai. Im afraid to let go of Italy because it has taught me so much.

These friendships that I have created here will be tested. Leaving these beautiful people not knowing how long scares me. The relationships Ive made with my host families, teachers, coaches, AFS friends, and even Andrea the gym manger in my city will be strained from the distance between us. I tell myself that it will be ok, but how do I know that. I will be a senior next year, having to apply to colleges and focus on school. Will I have enough time to keep all my relationships intact?

Even though I don't know how the future will look, I know that my time here is and will always be in me. Its in the actions I do, the new food I will try, the small moments when I remember my time here, and in the bold efforts I will continue to take. Thank you Italy for creating the best person I can be. I will continue to grow with you pushing me forward.

Ti voglio bene